Nice imagery and alliteration in this one. I came into the series on this one, so I’m guessing I need to backtrack to see what’s really going on. Still, it works well as a stand alone piece. Off to read the prequels…

An intriguing way to come into a story, well written and I love all the detail included.

second sentence with the semicolon bugs me.. The line about the headlights, though is awesome! You continue with the adjectives as sentence starters in the description of the lady at the wheel, and it works very well here, adding color and a bit of seduction.
So is jack the man in the alley, or is jack the man she is running to? hmm.

That semicolon bugged me too.
I’m glad it’s gone.
Does a comma work?

I have some ideas about Jack and I will share them with any who would like to sequel.
Just send me a note. Or sequel it as you wish and I’ll play along!

thanks []o)

Neo-Noir at that. A femme fatale to match the mysterious man. I love the problem with the coins, an old problem transplanted to the new world of mobile phones. Chandler would have had to force a coincidence that the woman was next to a phone, the modern setting lets you play with all the other problems without having to force it. Nice.

Ooh! I continue to be intrigued. The imagery is stunning. The only thing that bothered me was the description of her feet as “stripped” – I got that she wasn’t wearing shoes, but I didn’t think it was quite the right word.