It gets a bit too wordy with the descriptions, and I think you’re missing commas in some places. I didn’t really expect the ending. Interesting idea, but the execution needs a little bit of work.

Thanks for the comment bespectabled. I was working on trying to paint a picture of the setting with words, but I see your point it did get a bit wordy. Hopefully I’ll be able to streamline it. Thanks again!

the first paragraph is awesome. Then you switch to ‘is’ when you could continue using more vivid verbs. ’A young girl lies in a field, hidden in the tall grass, the only still place in the meadow."
The last paragraph is good, but the first sentence needs a comma or two. The last line is brilliant!