When she lay in bed sleeping, I’d crawl in bed next to her. I’d stroke her hair and hold her; sometimes she’d moan and move. Most of the time, she just lay still. I would always leave after a little while.

I could keep busy around the house, cleaning and writing, walking quietly while she slept upstairs. I’d watch T.V. and eat breakfast, go for a bike ride. I have a whole secret life while she’s between the sheets. I feel almost guilty, as though I have another family; meanwhile, she’s the one lying naked in the empty bed.

Nothing ever changes, so I push the limits. I go out and get grocery shopping done, spend time with friends, go on day trips before she opens her eyes. I go farther and farther, see more and more, and I’m always back before she knows that I’m gone. Am I betraying her? We never talk about what I get done while she sleeps; I never mention that I live a single life.

I can’t imagine stopping; it’s just another thing that I do. I just worry that one day I’ll go too far.