is his love for her like a truck?

Needs more Jermaine.

It’s fun, but I almost feel like the ending could use something more, like him just finally giving in and sucking her dry.

Hahaha… a great parody. Which I can fully appreciate because I, ahem, have read Twilight several times.

“A vampire is what Edric was.”

positively bone-chilling.

You are a writer’s writer.

Wonderful!

In the sequel there should be an unfortunate accident involving the death of all involved.

I can see the coroner’s face, twisted in confusion at the two bodies on his tables, one pale and entirely lacking in blood, and the other a little bloated and all “shiny.”