Lovely rendition of the lonely lover and some neat visuals. It wound up a bit of a tough read. I think it might benefit from varying the sentence structure, especially at the beginning where there several in a row with comma’ed off clauses at the end. Also, breaking up the big chunk of texts into bits, especially where the thought or focus shifts, would help a lot. Lots going on and lots of palpable emotion here.
THX 0477