This is pretty amazing satirical stuff, Butler.

The descriptive work, as little as there is, is gold. The “perfectly even coating of dirt and sweat” literally made me laugh out loud. I don’t know if I’ve ever even heard the word “raffishly” before, but I knew exactly what it meant when I read it, which is very impressive stuff. Also, the foreign names are classic super-genius.

The only real issue I have is with the very end. I’m just not feeling the action of the tackle. To my eyes, it feels like it should be setting up a big action sequence, but instead it’s ending a dialogue sequence. Perhaps just end it with the tackle, or a gunshot? This story could definitely afford to be without a traditional ending, so see how you feel about it.

Fantastic work all around!

A dramatic tour de force that left me wanting more

Yeah that’s fair YaYa, I’ll fix the ending in a few minutes. When I’m writing these I need to develop a better feel for how close the length cutoff is getting so I’m not all “Oh whoops this will arbitrarily have to be the last sentence.”

Very fun little send up of the action/thriller genre, especially the highly ridiculous pseudonym for your villain.

That’s the problem I always have, too, Butler.

I think Action Dan screaming, “Noooorrlllgghh!” is perfect, though, in every way.

(As the paper fox said, a dramatic tour de force.)

There we go Butler, that’s much better.

Also, for the record, I try and write what comes to me and if it ends up over the limit I go back and cut. It can make your middle stuff look a little slapdash, but you get to keep the ending you want instead of truncating the story.

Good stuff Butler. Keep it coming.

Are they brothers or cousins? The suspense is killing me!

for what it does, i enjoy it immensely

I remember that “from a jail cell” gag when it was on “Files from the Police Squad.”

I’m glad the “Noooorrlllgghh!” is gone. Even though this is a silly piece, that was … too silly. Good edit.

I’m curious how the Featured Story is selected.

like a good woman, this left me with my loins aching, my mouth tasting of bodily fluids, and my mind aching for more

i used aching twice

Honestly I’ve never seen Files From A Police Squad, but maybe I heard it somewhere and remembered it subconsciously?

I am in awe of your writing skill.
That had me rolling on the floor laughing.