It was an unassuming link to an otherwise unassuming site, but those first words would change his life forever: "You are one of the top Problem Sleuths in the city . . . You are feeling particularly hard boiled tonight.

What will you do?"

Why, quickly retrieve arms from the safe, of course.

Things are never that easy however. A fiendish mistress this game proved to be, spewing convoluted riddles and making asinine requests. But why keep playing? Well, like a talented lover, it made sure he never got bored and made sure to reward him when his patience was tried. Yes, portions were very difficult, the 6-hour long boss fight tested his reflexes like no other, and the incredibly complex fan puzzle on whore island was near impossible.

But the rewards were sublime: Fiesta Ace Dick, Sleuth Diplomacy, and of course, Sepulchritude (may the fires of his charisma burn bright).

But he couldn’t have been prepared for the end, the perfect end,

“Shit just got existentially real.”