Muse, your italics tags are showing

Also I didn’t expect to see this actually get done

It’s nice

Uh. Wow. I was kidding, Muse.

Do…Do you want me to actually review this?

Alrighty, let’s see what we’ve got here.

First of all, yes, your italics tags are showing. I don’t think the “unassuming” thing works twice in the same sentence, if you’re going for the alliteration, maybe call it an “anonymous” site, or something similar?

The first sentence on the second paragraph doesn’t fit. It implies that retrieving arms from the safe is the hard part, when in reality you’re referring to the rest of the game. The talented lover simile is nice but I’m not sure about saying “made sure” twice in the same sentence . It seems like two is redundant. I think you need a semi-colon after “Yes, portions were very difficult” instead of a comma. Also I think Whore Island is a proper noun and should be capitalized as such. The bracketed comment next to Sepulchritude doesn’t really make sense out of context, either.

Nice ending sentence.

Overall, decent work!

Reads, if I got it right, like an ode to wasting time on the computer. The last line hints at something more, but I felt like it did so a bit too vaguely. Who’s talking? Both the set up and the dialogue are vague. Eh, maybe it’s just a personal taste thing, but it just left me a bit too confused.

It’s a nice love letter to the greatest adventure the world has ever known, but the prose feels pretty rough and thrown together.