Very vague, but after a re-read, I think the answer to your question is happiness.

I was going to go with rambling, but vague works too. Lots of interesting themes here, but it comes off as perhaps a bit too much in your own head or personal. That’s all well and good if you intended as such, as more of an exercise for yourself, venting as it were. If you want to really engage the reader there just needs to be a bit more of a firm footing for all the pondering.