Hmmmm….interesting.

Some minor changes.

a pile rectangular could be a pile 0f rectangular or piled rectangular.

I like that it’s not a clear riddle, even though I get most of it. But What looked like a horde of vicious, dark eyed beasts pursued a retreating band of men needs some work, I feels it’s missing some words or important punctuation.

I like it too!

I’m not terribly satisfied with the ending either, but I felt that the description of the environment was necessary, especially if I plan on writing a sequel. In some ways I had to sacrifice the description for the climax due to space constraints.
Perhaps I should split it into two works, the first focusing on the set up and the second on the action.