I have got
a choice to make.
it’s quite a difficult choice.

on one hand:
mediocrity
and nothingness
and emotionless
dragging on
like
I have been
for the past
few months

on the other hand:
waiting
for something
to spark
and then
happiness
and bliss
and such
for a while
god knows how long
and then either:

1.
utter destruction
terrible
horrible
painful
grueling death
that I had anticipated from the start
but that still hurts regardless

or
2.
I let it get out of hand
and then
we dive deeper
into this cloudy mist
and can’t find our way out
and don’t care regardless
and then I am exactly where I always wanted to be
but always knew that I shouldn’t be
and I am stuck there
for fear of crushing her
because nothing else matters