I hate watching porn with my partner C.J., who’s blind. C.J. ruins it every time: “Oh, them! They say the same thing over and over. They act in a lot of porn, I recognize their squishy grunts.”

It was C.J. that pointed out my favorite porn star and all their dirty talk is actually four different voices spliced together. Or ‘I heard a toilet flush and a cat’s meow’, during an outdoor scene. Ruined too.

I once brought home a 70’s era porn, C.J. fell in love with the disco music. We now have an entire collection of the disco, not the porn. We started calling it our Disco Porn collection and we’ve had many fun parties, with the music as our central theme.

My best friend and their significant other vacationed with us once, we shared a thin wall in Hawaii. Early one morning C.J. woke me up, mouth all over me. C.J. whispered into my ear, “Can you hear them? I hear love. That’s what’s missing in porn, that’s what it should sound like. Be quiet and listen to your best friend in love. Truly beautiful.”