I like the feel to it, and you get it to a satisfying tortured and dark place. The beginning is a tough read, I think at least partially cause of the sentence structure for the first couple lines. For example, the one that starts, “Now that I stood…” feels like a fragment, even if it technically may not be one.

Thanks THX, I’ve cleaned up that section a little and hope that it reads a bit cleaner now.

I like it, it shows how completely ignorant people can be of each other. Beautifully done.

Thank you. I was certainly trying for that “alone in a room full of people” vibe.

Very goth/metal feel too it.

You must be British, crisp packets, strange that you would choose potato chip bags. But it’s unexpected, specific, and sets a time and place, all in three words, Camden and Crisp Packets, gotta love that. It also sounds like someone dying in a back alley after a concert.

Thank you! And yes, I’m very British haha