More, I want to know if the voices are real or not.

@Robert: Your verb tenses are all over the place. In one sentence, you use both past and present tense: “Using my weight, I turn and threw him.” Otherwise, this is a very strong piece.

@32 ^2: I look forward to your sequel of this piece, exploring the reality of the voices.

It’s a very good piece apart from the slight confusion over tenses. I like the introduction of a potentially new plot line at the very end.

Yeah, originally it was all in present tense which sounded… awkward. Then I reworked it so that it was the usual past tense but clearly I hadn’t caught everything.

It’s not an issue of tense, it’s the prospective you adopted. If you change it, you might find it will all fall into place.

Very tense and exciting stuff. I think the others have gotten the majority of the fine tuning and constructive stuff out of the way. Strongly tied together, with the possible exception of that last line, a consequence of the character limit and the challenge.

Ah I think everything has been cleared up because this seems pretty perfect to me. I do think that the first two paragraphs were your strongest – the structure and language was very olde worlde and Shakespearian.

The paragraph beginning ‘instictively’ could do with a looking over. It just doesn’t flow quite as well as the rest of it. Maybe it’s just the way that I read it.
Cool entry. I admire everyone doing this challenge.
Abby x