Very quick and exciting, so a fun read even though I haven’t read anything else in the series and have no idea what’s going on. I was extra confused in the second statement, until I figured out you’d missed an apostrophe.

Oh wow. That’s just plain and dandy. I’ll fix that!

For a split second the sudden change from first to third person was a tad jarring, but then I fell back into the groove. A new perspective is always interesting… and you’ve opened up new opportunities about our captive original narrator, almost making him sound demonic somehow…

Your story’s a sort of cliche, but I’ll forgive that because it seems to advance the plot of a larger story.

I would avoid setting off dialogue with “she x-ed” or “she said x-ingly”, it seems amateur. Instead, try describing your characters. Tell how her face changes when she’s furious, for example.

Good storytelling.

This gives me something to talk about, anyway. I was losing interest in this story arc.

(also, “duck tape” should be “duct tape”)