As my apartment door clicked shut behind me I suddenly realised that something was different. The lights were already on, but turned down low, and there was a strange smell… I looked down and saw a trail of diced green capsicum. Oh God, it’s him, I thought as my heart skipped a beat. He’d read my letters and now he was here. My briefcase slid from my hand as I followed the trail to the bedroom.

There he was, on my bed – my bed – naked save for his shimmering cape. My mouth hung open as I struggled to describe the feelings rushing through me, but in a flash he was on his feet, placing a gentle, manicured finger on my lips.

“Tonight’s ingledient is…” With a single flourish he tore all my clothes from my trembling body. “YOU.”

“Chairman Kaga,” I whispered as my heart pounded, “you’re trying to seduce me.”

The Chairman encircled me with his arms, put his lips close to my ear and bellowed at the top of his lungs, “WOULDA YOU RRRRRIKE ME TO SEDUCE-A YOU?”