this razor
that was once used
only for slicing skin
is now covered in powdered death
and crushed dreams

what was i thinking
i should quit while i’m ahead
am i still ahead
do i still have a head

what’s happening
i can’t feel anything
it used to be just emotional
but now i can’t feel
physical pain
anymore
either

my body is drunk
my brain is elated
it feels like i’m moving through
a pool of
sulfur hexafluoride
i feel like i could fly
and my limbs are free
and detachable

i should stop
i shouldn’t have started
i should stick to alcohol

there are eight of them left
one was too few
three was good enough
good enough for now

how soon will it be
until three isn’t enough
should i stop now
should i finish this bottle
should i flush them down the toilet
should i just look at them
and long to feel nothing
but the paratroopers
flying down my esophagus

i remember once
when i was a child
a sweet innocent child
and i had no worries
and i had no pain
that’s what i feel like now
except now i am afraid to fall asleep