I agree, its not a poor attempt. Your words are a little awkward sometimes but that’s the only critique I would give. Didn’t trip me up reading it so its not bad. I like the positive tone you build up to, nicely done.
I thought it was a lovely poem with a nice messge. I wouldn’t carry the logic to the Nth degree, as it is always fun to hear stories, but I do like the overall idea of putting priority and emphasis on one’s own experience, actually going out and living life.
OpenSkies
In Night's Arms
THX 0477