I think you’re going for comedy with the last line, but the rest of the piece is so dark. Also the use of italics is a little odd. Unsure what purpose it serves as it’s apparently not inner dialogue? Is it emphasis?
I would disagree with mark.i.wang; I don’t think it’s supposed to be comedy, it sounds to me like a romance. Also, the only italics used is “Never again” I am a little confused as to what mark is saying because this is inner dialogue. If I have missed something please say so.
By the way funky chunky, I think it’s a very good little story :)
Anna Banner 
Emily 
Ruthie