Of the things I miss the most, I think I miss being tired.

Of the few people I’ve come across since the event, they all seem to have let go of the past. But I can’t stop thinking about the bills I left unpaid, and the piece of cake I left uneaten. I think about the books I never finished, the days I never went for a ride on my bike.

I miss my bike.

It’s the first of the month. I’ve been keeping track of days, it helps keep my mind straight. Rent would normally be due today and I’d probably be waking up and running to the bank to see if I had a few extra pennies to cough up to the landlord. I can’t stop thinking of my landlord. I wanted her in a way a baby wants to chew on the leg of a chair. I don’t know why I wanted to wrap my lips around her, I just did. I often imagine her begging for me as I placed her over a chair.

My mind twists and turns at the thought of her bent over. She’s probably a pile of bones now. That made me smile.

I miss smiling.

I’m glad I thought of her.

It’s cold.