and here i am
sitting like
i’m perfectly okay with the fact that
no one loves me

and here i am
thinking that
i’m perfectly okay with being alone

don’t even say
don’t fucking say it
i know what you are thinking when you
look right at me

you love me
you love me
you really, really love me
but not the way i need you to

ok
that’s alright
i guess
but i guess the thing i hate even more
about you rejecting me
is that i know i deserve it

why
why do i feel
like i deserve every terrible thing that happens on this earth
why am i never good enough for myself
everyone accepts me
everyone loves me
but not the way i need them to

let me be me
stop trying to understand
stop trying to get inside me
you will only get lost
and confused

more lost
and confused
than i am

this isn’t your fault
but i know you could have prevented it
anyone could have
but i didn’t have the courage to let them,
even though no one wanted to

i love me
i love everything about myself
but i hate
everything
i
do.