it’s been three whole years
i know it has
i think it has
i counted correctly, right?

i wish i could say that it feels like yesterday
but it doesn’t
it feels like so much longer ago
like decades

decades that separate us like a thousand lightyears
and i can barely even reach you through the nothingness

so much has changed
i have changed
the times have changed
life has changed

i still can’t accept that you’re gone because he left with you
it’s like you both went on a trip to nowhere, never to come back
only when he comes back is it real
only when he is real are you real

you are still alive in my mind because of his absence
your absence is more comforting than your presence
in that without you, i always have hope you are coming back
but you aren’t, and to think such a thing is pain
it is not painful, for it is the sole source of all pain

these clouds are you on a sunny day
they are beautiful and immaculate and endless
just like the perpetual image of you in my head
that refuses to leave me alone