Me:
“Woah!”

Abed:
“Woah.”

Me:
“Dude, you’re real!”

Abed:
“Yes. As far as I know. Though I could be a projection. Or maybe you’re the projection. Hard to say. I need a totem.”

Me:
“I have a spinner that came in an Inception box set.”

Abed:
“Can’t use it. The spinner is no longer unique to Leonardo DiCaprio, so I’d need something else. Like a Beyblade.”

Me:
“It’s actually pretty awesome to be meeting you, dude.”

Abed:
“Cool.”

Me:
“Cool cool cool?”

Abed:
“That’s my thing. How do you know about it? Do you go to Greendale? Have you looked at me through an open door pensively like someone in Grey’s Anatomy?”

Me:
“No, nothing like that. I watch you on TV.”

Abed:
[ staring unblinkingly ]

Me:
“Dude?”

Abed:
“I’m in a TV show?!”

Me:
“How is this news to you? Every episode, you’re always meta and self-aware, like you know you’re on TV!”

Abed:
“But I know I’m in real life. I act like it’s a TV show to better understand life. But— so I’ve got writers?!”

Me:
[sigh]
I should’ve just met Danny Pudi.