This puts me in mind of a Prachett-esque adventure.

My first impression is that the elephants are not exactly the work of Gozanta – What in the world did Delliria do to tick them off?

If she’s been training this long, perhaps there is some family connection with the sapphires? (which leads to one small edit – sapphires has two p’s)

I love the high adventure genre and this was very entertaining with a humorous ending.

I didn’t get any humour – but that’s the fantasy chick in me … all must be taken completely seriously! As Rose said, you need another ‘p’ in sapphires, other than that – really well written. Intriguing in fact. I’d definitely like to know what happens next.

I liked the unexpected elephants. I know it’s in the title, but somehow I forgot that after I started reading the story… :)

How do you come up with names for things and people so well? I’m jealous. Dilliria makes me think of delirium, and it’s a subtle sort of subconscious detail that plays into the story. The way he melts into the shadows and the unexpectedness of the oncoming elephants is super surreal and cool.

Tad, you are very correct in the fact that I wanted to portray the word delirium. I had been wanting to use this character’s name for a while but I could not find the right character until now. Names in general I make from adding and dropping letters from other names and words until I get a name I like.

Feels like a Young Indianna Jones adventure. I don’t think magic is involved so I’m curious how the traps and effects are working. Also even though you didn’t describe him the name Gozanta conjures a large evil man in my mind. Big with pinched facial features. Always a fun stroll through your stories.

sapphire words fixed. XD

Delliria is definitely a fitting name; a nice taste of the story’s tone. It’s all very hectic and the space of the ficlet requires a cramped atmosphere, which I think works both for and against the story—against in that there’s not much room for detail, for in the sense it allows much more room for raw adventurous imagination (a trait I seem to have lost in the move between websites).

The first thing I noticed was the name as well. And this might just be personal preference but at the beginning about the tornado; starting the sentence with the word “the” seems to imply that we already knew that there was a tornado there, while the word “a” would bring it in as a new piece of information. However, the character clearly already knew about the tornado. I’m torn. But I thought I would mention it as something curious to ponder.

That’s a roller-coaster story! You packed so much into such a small place! Congrats!

Scrawler’s Secret, a very intriguing point on the/a tornado!! I hadn’t thought about that.

Elephants and attack tornadoes? Very unexpected and imaginative adversaries.

Thanks, Tarzan. :)

Humourous ending with the high-fantasy drama thrown in. I’m an engineer, though, so her ability to dodge a tornado simply by ducking behind a rock short-circuits my brain. 4/5

Fun example of a ‘dungeon crawler’ sort of scenario. Very funny sort of ending too, a silly but dangerous spell.

I rationalised the tornado part by assuming they were very small, localised turbulences.

Great job by the way!

Good point about the tornado, Ethel. I was assuming that the tornado was not a full fledged one but some sort of concocted thing of Gozanta.

Thanks, THX. :)

Thanks HSAR. I had a lot of fun with this one as you can tell. XD

Congrats on the feature!

I’m intrigued by the fact that she’s trying again. What’s the penalty for failure? Death? That would imply some sort of arcane respawn, no?

YAY Featured! XD Thanks, everyone! :)

Jim, I never write anything magical or arcane…. so the answer is no to the arcane respawn. XD

Fun! Feels like the narrative of a World of Warcraft quester. I can certainly imagine the protagonist getting trampled and respawning somewhere, so that she could try again, and again, and again.

I did feel that there were too many uses of the character’s name, but I’m generally a name minimalist, so that might just be me.

As far as the “a-versus-the” tornado discussion…I felt like saying “the tornado” sort of put me right in the middle of the story, as though I’d been following Delliria from the beginning of the scene.

However, I WAS confused by the idea of multiple tornadoes coming to get her. Oddly enough…the elephants sounded incredible, but the tornadoes seemed silly. (Don’t ask me where my logic has gone. ;) )

Just my two cents. :)

I was a bit confused, but it was overall pretty good. I agree with Timber up above me. It was sort of like just being tossed into a story randomly. I write kind of the same way, but I try to give some background throughout so my reader’s understand what I’m doing.

Still, nicely done.

Oh, I was actually saying I liked the effect of being in the middle like that. I didn’t feel tossed in at all.

Readers are smart…I think it’s a good thing when an author doesn’t feel the need to explain EVERYTHING. I feel like dropping the reader in an already-explosive scene like that has a really gripping effect…as long as there are enough clues to help you get your bearings. And I think, in this instance, there were. I enjoy that. :)

Nice ending, made me wonder what will happen next

Thank you all for your comments and advice. :) I honestly did not put as much thought as I should have into this ficly so I apologize if the rambliness confused you. :/

Tornadoes and elephants in a CAVE?!? BRILLIANT! I guess we all have those levels on video games that we JUST CAN’T BEAT! Been trying since you were 12, eh? Long time to wait for those sapphires.

This is interesting but I can’t help but think I’m not getting the whole story here. Maybe do a prequel/sequel to explain things a little bit? I like this character and would be interested to see where it goes

Like how we’re just dumped in to the story. Wasn’t sure what was going on with tornadoes and elephants and disappearing strange men which made it that much more interesting to me :P

This played in my mind like a scene from a tabletop D&D session. :D