Very emotional and incredibly well-written!

A tragic monologue – quite a roller-coaster of tales you’ve given me. From funny to posh to terribly sad.

“I suppose I didn’t realize how fragile she was. And I bled her dry.” This line hit me remarkably hard.

As well as making the reader understand what the character is feeling, this piece makes you feel it a little bit. So good job!

“calloused to her presence” I really like how calluses describes taking her for granted.

That was intense. I would love to know how these characters were connected: friends, lovers, siblings? Great job. :)

What started out as regret, soon became remorse, then finally gaped wide open into grief, plunging us all into a black hole of pain.

This is so tragic! This ficly seemed to be a deep, churning well of emotions so amazing job conveying that!

I am also intrigued as to the relationship the two characters had.

The third paragraph is an excellent turning point, with the “bled her dry” line. If I hunted for fault in anything, it would be the run-ons and comma splices that feel sort of out of place (e.g., the first sentence, and the line “I know with brutal clarity, that she is gone forever” totally doesn’t need a comma.) These are very minor changes that would just put some more polish on an already stellar piece. Good job teasing out the questions about the relationship.

The emotions are conveyed very well, very powerfully. I think the narrator’s talking about a person, but I half-expected to learn it was a conscience we had lost, or a memory. If I had to change something, “behind despair clenched fists” was difficult for me to read. Perhaps “despair-clenched fists”, the simpler “behind fists clenched with despair”, or perhaps “behind desperately clenched fists”?

damn, i lost my cat, sophia, recently

Completely mysterious and compellingly emotional. I assume she’s human, but I’m far from sure that she’s not a cat or even a butterfly. This mystery is good, I feel.

There is a certain mystery about this story. I wish I knew more, but I feel the emotion wouldn’t be as powerful if I did. Good job.

I want to read “I bled her dry” literally.

AHHH!

This is a vampire, correct? Oh yes. I hope i’m right. I love them. I love this. Gnee~

“It touches some numb, shocked part of me…I’ve cried for the loss of her…”

…these ideas really capture those early stages of grief. I completely identified with that part.

Also, as others have said, I really love the third line.

Right from the word go (which I would note does not appear in this story), you’re guiding our emotions, with the red eyes hidden. You show us incredible emotion in this tale, of the most powerful sort. It’s obvious that the narrator didn’t literally kill her, but pushed her away without knowing what they were doing. To my mind, it’s not clear that the woman is definitely dead, but for the warning in the speaker’s heart. We know she left, we know she is gone, and we know that if you wanted to sequel this, you now have some very interesting options.

I like it. The narcissist’s lament? There’s something of the description that seems to hint that the narrator realizes they were kind of an insensitive jerk, for me most hinted at by the line about her making life, “pleasantly bearable.” It’s not even happiness that’s lost, just things being bearable. Very nice job getting across this sort of character and their lament.

Great emotional description, would love to know more about it and how it is his, or her, fault

This is very good writing. I wish to read more!

Does it count as a comment if I just comment that I’m speechless? The first sentence struck me as awkward but past there everything flowed so smoothly that I almost completely forgot about it. the emotional value of it seems to skip past the words and seems to come out more in the pauses of the narration.

The last two lines resonate inside of me. This piece is pregnant with regret. Well done!

Tragic. Beautiful. I’d like to read more.