…another word for SPENDING

sometimes i’m glad that i’m piss poor lol

Sorry, that was a rather crappy comment – I guess I needed time to process. Instead of just being able to read through, I had to string the broken words together which made me think more about the message overall – clever technique. The shape of it too. I haven’t seen a shape poem in way too long.

The dollar sign confused me for a second (dash it all, I’m so english (and only use it in smileys – =$)) Sorry, went off track.

Epicness of the poem aside, I disagree with your final message. Freedom means a whole lot more. I agree with the politics though, socialist through and through is me.

Nevertheless, passion for a cause as noble as this is admirable. It’s a good rant! Thanks for sharing it on the challenge!

Wow, thank you for the awesomely long thoughtful comment. I think I’m embarrassed by this enough to edit it… later haha.

I also liked how the broken up words made me slow down, because otherwise it would have been a really fast read (since it’s all one sentence). It gave the message enough time to sink in, and made me think more. Good job!

The format definitely conveys a sense of building – growing to a final crescendo of a conclusion.

I’ve always wanted to try these shaped poems.

Good pace and the flow seemed a bit choppy but I suppose you wanted that effect.

Like the others said, the shape contributed to the momentum, which culminated in a killer last line. A very charged poem which would definitely cause some disagreement (though maybe not visibly here). And the Funyuns image is funny, if a little dangerous, haha.

Ok, in the process of editing now… I should have seriously submitted something else for this challenge. I forgot that everyone has to comment on it! Oh the shame! :)

Holy cow this is good. THIS IS SO GOOD. All I want to say is: AMEN.

Also, Funyan’s on a penis made me lol.

I disagree with the message and the text-speak was painful, but the shape was interesting and at least you do have a message. Finishing in the comments was very original, congrats!

If I push slightly further and say that spending IS consuming then I agree with your message wholeheartedly. The story-poem was hard to read and very dense but I think it was definitely a worthwhile read, a cry out. Is it of despair or a warning?

I like the format. And the message.

I like the shape and I agree completely with the final conclusion but I really hate txtspk. Good overall.

I don’t even know if I disagree with your conclusion really.
It’s rather distasteful, but perhaps just because there might be some truth to it.

The bigger you get (people and nations alike) the more you’re taking from other people.

The txtspk was necessary to create characters as I was editing— otherwise the pyramid and what I was saying would have been incomprehensible. I’m not fond of it either.

Cool poetic shape, Tad. I know how hard it is to get a poem to fit a specific format like that. The message was important, and the funyuns were delicious. Thanks!

I don’t know that I agree with your overall conclusion, but the format of this poem is very interesting.

Ohboy…

Taddy, I believe my eyes are bleeding. x3

Still, this was purty good.

I like the dollar/squalor rhyme. I didn’t realize that there were rhymes within the work until I read it out loud…then I was able to better understand some of the word choices. :)

Creative poem form. The line about having funyons eaten off his penis gave me a good giggle.

Ah, capitalism, it does have its downsides.

I like the shape you decided to create and the broken words make you concentrate that much more. mmm I can understand the character limit would restrict the spelling and stuff, so I had a thought part way through that maybe a poem could be written in text language (it’s been done before I know but not very much) That way, you have to pause now and then to make sense of a word and you can piece it together… that may or may not make sense haha

This was pretty awesome. I’m going to applaud you on your ireegular rhymje scheme, and when I say irregular, I tell a halflie. Your scheme repeats regularly, but the breakdown and shaping means the matching words occur in irregular positions, which helps with the idea of diversity within the hierarchs of your pyramid, and hones your message. Again the textspeak. I get that editing in this case hurts you and forces you to do it, because its a rhyme where the last line cannot be changed. But looking at it, if youre really pushed for philosophical bullshit, the notion occurs that as you fall lower down a pyramid towards poverty, quality of speech does degenerate, and the textspeak is only on the bottom levels, so… putting two and two together. I don’t normally swear in comments, but you said penis, so I don’t care.

Overall then, a great piece, funny, with a good use of shaping, which is very difficult on ficly (hence the simple shape, I assume). Very well done.

Freedom of choice and freedom of voice — without those two we’re doomed.

I agree with the rest about the comic relief. In a way i agree and in a way i do not. part of freedom is having that choice to make money the center of your life and chase it, or not to based on the persons values. However in this situation depicted in the poem the value of money out weighs the value of values for maybe most of the populace.

Tad… Opinions and economic politics aside, there is a line where writing transcends more than storytelling and becomes art.

I’m not saying it will be remembered in the same breath as Leaves of Grass, but this piece was art. Original, expressive, and wonderful.

I CONSUMED this with rapt delight, I’ve grown fat off your words, and yearn for an after dinner mint, so chew one up and blow the freshness into my face, because nothing will ever taste as good as this main course you dished up into the belly of my brain.