“Uselessquoteman? So what exactly is your power?” I asked the mysterious stranger in the long dark trenchcoat. He had a black fedora pulled low, squashing a shock of messy black hair to his head.

“Power resides where men believes it resides. No more and no less.”

“That means literally nothing. What actually can you do?”

“Right. So um, I guess that you- you want to see my ability.”

“Yes, that would be helpful.”

“I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendid.”

“This is going nowhere, let’s try another angle. Say I have a really big problem. How could you help me?”

“I’m not great with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“So it’s really just quoting stuff. Nothing else.”

“Beep. Beep. Ditto. Beep.”

“Ah, come on! Now you’re just taking the piss! Well you know what? That bit from aladdin was a lyric! It doesn’t count as a quote!”

“Well-, that-, what-, NOOOOOOOO!!! It hurts!! Why would you do this?!? You’re so mean!”

“And you’re an arsehole! Good day!”