Great job setting the scene. I liked how you compared the bills to the man’s suit, because it says a lot about the character. :)

The first image I got reading the first line was of candyfloss (cotton candy in US-parlance). It took a few seconds and a mental short-circuit to resolve (which I enjoyed, but I’m perverse like that).

Unlikely friendships in unlikely places. I like it.

I think I need a shower. I feel dirty after that. :)

Good. ;-)

This is the beginning scene for a much longer story arc, one which (unfortunately) wouldn’t do well in ficly format. I’m hoping to turn it into a book, but don’t keep your fingers crossed, it’ll be a while and they might get stuck that way.

Awesome!

But ehe… stories like these make me regret taking this challenge. Ehe..ehe…he…

cough

naughty, but very well written! Comparing the bill and the outfit was a very nice touch.

Very sleazy. Very awesome. Is it weird that I got the same image of cotton candy from that first line that ethelthefrog did? Was that intentional?

I feel like Candy should be Candi. The bubble gum tresses is a nice touch and really solidifies that there is a theme that ties to the stage name.

I like the link to the stage name and how you’ve compared the suit and his money. Great imagery!

Get sleazy. I blushed so hard. Somehow by the end, John Mayer’s “Your Body Is a Wonderland” was stuck in my head.
I concur with all of the previous comments. I also really like the sugary-sweet theme of the first paragraph.

Never been to a strip club although they are all around me, and yet, I just been to one by reading this! At least what I have seen in movies! AMAZING! And the emotion was there with setting the scene! Perfect…I want more! haha!

I too got cotton candy lol, then saw pole an knew exactly where you were taking us!

I didn’t read cotton candy into the first paragraph until ethelthefrog mentioned it. Then it was obvious. hee.

I’ll see the praise for the suit/money simile, and raise you a tip-of-the-hat for the line, “Her voice was honey”. Love the effect that conjured up in my mind.

The recurring sugar theme was intentional. Sugar: it’s bad, but oh-so-good.

Anyway, this scene is part of a longer setup which defines the protagonist as a corporate-type, one of those young businessmen who are making huge deals with multinationals and living the “suite life.”

He’s a symbol on his own, and gets thrown entirely out of his element.

The reason everyone is thinking sweets when they start rading (myself included) is because we have no idea that Candy is a name until we get further in, as it appears at the start of a sentence. My image was of sweets enchanted to fly round a pole, lines of taffy maypoling around in colourful spirals. Candyland, baby. Having got myself worked up for a tale of sugar and chocolate, I was a little disappointed to find a strip club.

That said, this was very well written. You give a lot of development to your characters in very few lines, and that earns you an extra pencil, good sir.

Dirty ol’ man….

She seems quite content with her lifestyle.

I like the fact that there aren’t any judgments except the ones the readers bring. The strip club is neither bad nor good and neither is the dancer or the rest of the patrons. Everything just is. I like Candy but I have a feeling she is in for quite a ride. Nice work and kudos for the clever opening paragraph.

Clean, efficient prose, like Palahniuk. Just remember the mature tag for our younger unblemished eyes.

Ok, nevermind, it’s obviously there. I’ll leave the comment up as a testament to my stupidity.

Wonderful flow to your writing here. It reads like a dance, if that makes any sense. I could almost hear the music. I too liked the character of Candy, but I think she can handle pretty much anything. She’s got that kind of attitude, or at least that’s how I read her.

Clever links with food in the first paragraph: ‘hungry’, ‘bubblegum’ – as well as her name, obviously. And I adored the fourth paragraph.

If this was the start to a book, I would most definitely keep reading. Good job!

Thanks for entering the challenge.

Thanks for the kind words! The sugar metaphor was entirely intentional. The only problem I’m seeing is that everyone seems to think the story is about Candy… Of course, I did kind of introduce her first. So that’s my fault.

In any case, I’m glad you like it!

sexy!