I like the little details that give away the story, but I think the last line falters a bit. The story could possibly be more powerful without it. A trailing ellipses perhaps. Or an “in the distance, she heard the train whistle, gripped the handle of her bag and stepped closer to the tracks, and her future.” Not that that line is much better, but it’s almost certainly longer, which is what this site is all about right? Making things longer?
John Perkins