I like the mood of the piece, but line 2 could be "…farther it into depression, the farther it ran (?) away from May’. A bit anal here, but punctuation: “farther from sight” should end with punctuation..? Even that spark of lust would sound good too.
I like the mood of the piece, but line 2 could be "…farther it into depression, the farther it ran (?) away from May’.
A bit anal here, but punctuation: “farther from sight” should end with punctuation..?
Even that spark of lust would sound good too.
punpun