Unhelpful User Guide for Life - Perils of Snow

Winter is the time of year when you hear:
- Shovels munching and crunching on snow
- Snow blowers groaning and growling as they devour and projectile-vomit the snow
- Car wheels squealing, screeching, and squeaking as they spin ineffectually on the snow
- Plows scraping and beeping as they whoosh past, drift-in your car, and create a tidal wave of snow

During a snowstorm, you can die from:
- Getting impaled from head to groin by giant icicles, Fate’s spears and pikes, which plummet from improperly maintained roof gutters
- Slipping and falling on unsalted sidewalks and walkways, Fate’s skating rinks of death, thereby smashing your teeth into your brain
- Skidding off the road in your car, into the gorge, Fate’s concentration camp, where you either freeze or starve to death (if you’re unprepared and the impact doesn’t kill you)

In order to avoid an unfortunate death:
- hermitize yourself in your home or cave
- study the snow, learn from it; once you gain it’s trust, strike with greenhouse gases

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