The writing is lovely and you’ve chosen a very interesting direction for the story to take. I love how you’ve taken a few details of my story and made it your own. Just as a nitpick, I’m not sure I quite understand why the blond boy is struggling at the end of the first paragraph – talk to her? Though you’ve already mentioned he was talking quickly… In any case, great job!

Thanks!
Yeah, the boy stuggled with trying to get Janet let him help her. I guess I could make that more clear.
And I hope I didn’t leave the scene hanging, I had to remove some sentences to fit the space constraint..
Anyways, thanks for your comment!

Ooooo gave me chills. The use of “…” was quite effective.

A stakeout, but no reason for alarm just yet.. she means something to the man, however.

I edited the part about the struggling, now he’s struggling with the umbrella :P To clarify.
I also added a sequel to the sequel :)