I took a deep breath, and plunged my head under. The cool water was soothing, the green-brown a safety net. I looked for myself. Where was I? Images flashed into my brain. It was like my heart didn’t want me to forget.

My mother smiling, my sisters dancing, my first crush, my first dance, the park on a summer night, me watching shooting stars while lying on a picnic table, and the fire. My chest felt like fire. It screamed as loud as steam from a teakettle in my ears. I wanted to take a breath and I wanted to die. The two competed within me.

I was lost. I hadn’t anything to live for. My dreams were shot. I was homeless and forgotten. No one would remember me.

The Queen does. She knows who you are. You are the failure she’s saved. Why has she saved you? My conscious fought me.

Why?

The one question still unanswered in my life. My feet rose as I lost control of my body. I was weightless, a mere speck in the water, in this world. Why do I deserve to live?

I’m not in the lake.

I turned face up.