Dear Jane,

I’m afraid I must declare this relationship over.

I’m sure you will recall all the good memories of being with such a handsome and successful man but I will only recall the bad memories of you doing your best to embarrass me and my family. Although you may think of yourself as cute and adorable, many of your endearing qualities are far from it.

Your social graces are atrocious: shotgunning beer won’t make you popular.

Your cooking skills are non-existant: anyone can order pizza or Chinese.

Your taste in fashion leaves much to be desired: cleavage and short skirts are not at all practical.

You are hardly the type of girl who should be with someone so successful, so good looking, and so respected. Sorry, but you’re not good enough. I cannot, with good conscious, continue to let this charade go on.

The marriage has been officialy cancelled. I expect the ring to be returned soonest.

Good luck in finding a man who will take you as you are.

Yours cordially,

John’s Mom