Welcome to Ficly! I think this piece has some strong details and some subtle (and some not so subtle) world building lines. There is some interesting stuff here. Are you open to suggestions/criticism?

Robert, sorry I don’t know how to reply to comments on here. XD Yeah suggestions/criticism would be great. This isn’t one of my best stories, just an idea I got bored with a couple months ago but I’m trying to start writing again so maybe with some comments I could continue this…

Commenting on your own piece is fine (though I wouldn’t get a notification for it unless I was ‘following’ you, sending a note is fine.
Criticism as follows:
Spacing between paragraphs would increase readability. “Annamarie” should probably have it’s own paragraph. If Annamarie knows whose voice it is when Hazel speaks, it might be better to just attribute the first sentence to Hazel. How does Annamarie know that Hazel noticed the white dress if she is behind her. (We know that from the question but you have to tell us, ex ‘She must have noticed I was still in a white dress,’ ‘From her question she was looking at the same white dress I wore everyday.’ Something like that, if that makes sense.

Congrats on being featured!