It has been a month since I became single.

I haven’t spoken to… her… in a month.

We pretend to be friends to the world, oh sure. Still “friends” on a few websites. But that’s just for appearances.

Do I hate her? I don’t think so. But I find myself suddenly realizing all the things I didn’t like about her, and wondering, “What was I thinking?”

Yet I see her face, her joyful face, still full of life even though she doesn’t have me occupying that tiny piece of it…

… and it makes my eyes swell up and water, the tears dropping to the floor like desperate love letters stuffed in a mailbox. I miss her. I don’t want to be with her, but I want to be by her side, holding her shoulders as she wraps her slender arms around my waist. We always did things a little backwards.

And now she’s moved on. I had as well, for a short time…

but the good memories rush back, in a larger stream than the bad ones.

I long to be by her side once more, though I know it is impossible.

If only things were different…