I never should have lived this long. I mean, really, 99 years? Everyone I grew up with is dead. Even my children hadn’t lived this long. And here are all my grandchildren and great-grandchildren singing “happy birthday” as if there is such a thing anymore…

I need to die. I’ve outstayed my welcome on this beautiful Earth.

Oh, here’s the cake.

…

What the dickens? Who’s brilliant idea was it to literally stuff the cake with 99 lit candles? They’ll set off the alarms for sure! And think of the smoke! What if they trip while walking it to the table?

Hmm…

That gives me an idea…

“Oops! Oh, my clumsy old feet! Oh, dear…”