Having sex with her was like trying to teach trolls to waltz.

You think it’s funny, but this is Avalon, a mist shrouded island populated with nymph(o)-like, perky and nubile girls, clad in shimmering gossamer, that is happily tossed into the shrubbery at the drop of a hat.

Anyone’s hat.

Should have been heaven, right?

But no, I manage to get picked by the one girl with no fucking rhythm (pun intended), an underbite that’d’ve made a pitbull scared, and feet big enough to ski on.

Which is hardly fair, considering that to get here I had to survive the ship filled with cursed, vampire, Nazi pirates (what the fuck is kosher garlic?), the Rock and the Hard Place (which was just bullshit), and the volcano (yeah, a fucking LIVE VOLCANO!).

And the kicker? I’m stuck here until some mystical confluence of bullshit happens. Seems I’m supposed to help find the next High Priestess or some shit.

So let’s hope Fangy McAwkward starts picking up the steps to the dance more quickly.

Isle of magic my ass.