The action is fast, the moment a snapshot, and the plight of a fleet-footed street rat becomes our concern. Nicely done. My beef: “This smelled worse..”, what did, the area or the dumpster or the guy? The second part about the setting, with the dumpster and the nobodies, is a little confusing. Was she at the fast food dumpster now or before? I think you meant before she was trying to find a new place and she was hungry NOW, which would be annoying, knowing what you left behind(food). Then you say this place is crowded, but the fast food dumpster was too crowded, so it’s like she is there now. A few clarifying words would clear this up for me. (before, later, once, then..)
it all smells, the area, the food, the people, the whole situation; and they are all nobodies. the dumspter was just to help explain her predicament, it could’ve happen whenever. Don’t think time mattered too much to her. Sorry I needed to explain it all. Thanks for the comments!!!
well just some things jumped out at me, I guess I missed the vagueness being a symptom. My favorite part is "She jumped up and ran knowing now she would be labeled as a thief in this jungle of nobodies. "
ElshaHawk (LoA)
mama murph (LoA)
ElshaHawk (LoA)