“Damn zombies are everywhere,” Dracula grumbled. After the government legalized zombie civil unions, they began to appear more often in society. They formed a Jane Austen book club; among the best of their literary minds, an argument for zombie-ism began to germinate. The book club founder was convinced that a zombie version of Mr. Darcy would romanticize zombies to the still-wary public, much the way that Twilight had made young women swoon for any vampire.

Dracula was in the bookstore looking at The New Age Vampire, but kept getting distracted by the zombie book club. During a brief moment of zombie existentialism, they had stopped to wonder what the point of it all was. Dracula threw down the book and yelled that zombies couldn’t carry on intelligent conversations, but they were too busy snacking on some brains.

“Scripture does not condone zombie relationships!” A woman yelled at the group. Immediately, the zombies attacked and converted her.

“Everywhere,” Dracula muttered again, more disgustedly.