I feel like there should be more to this. A lot more. But I couldn’t decide what I wanted it to be.

Wow. I really like this. The beginning came off a bit slow but as it progressed, it definitely kept its pace! I really like this and your choice of words, how the gods came in and how everything was described.

Now sequel it! I want more! And if there should be more to it, then you should write more!

Heavy with both emotion and promise. I enjoyed this…especially the last line. Though, I am not sure the title fits, I was expecting something a bit more whimsical from it.

Point taken. I was going to put something more serious there, like I just have, but the ficly servers went down before I could publish and it was the first title I thought up when the site finally worked.

No worries. It was just something that stuck out at me. :) I like the new title, btw.

Like, the Tower of Babel?

@ science its all funand games till someone builds a ziggurat.

Holy… it really does come off like the Tower of Babel, which, uh, I just wiki’d. Honestly was not familiar with the story, so that it turned out similar is… actually kind of cool.

Personally, I feel this story should be highlighted. And sequeled, in various interesting ways. Couldn’t hurt to have some good prequels too.

Yes. This is a tantalizing snapshot of something that could either be at the beginning, at the end, or in medias res. Very gripping, especially for its size. I would like to see more. And I agree with DoItForScience: This should be highlighted.

Highlighting accomplished! This is the feature story!

Congrats on feature, yes this is a story summary, it needs more.

Hooray for the feature!

You’re being featured.

YOU’RE BEING FEATURED

AHAHAHAH

(Oh. And the story is pimp, Piggie.)

ZOMG I LOVE!

Sweet mother of zombie Cthulhu! I am incredibly pleased that you all enjoyed my sort-of story, even to the point of featuring it. I’ll definitely try to work on some sequels/prequels, and if you’re up to it, you should feel free to do the same!

This is a great set up. The following sequels should actually be throw-backs to what happened, what led up to this climactic conflagration. I don’t know what that would be, but it should include deep-fried Oreos somewhere.

Reminds me of the Dark Tower…

Somebody else needs to get on this sequel train, I’m too lazy to keep the momentum up. Plus, I like working off the twists other people place into the story.

Has a very epic feel to it, as well as a morality tale vibe. I can just picture the big, disembodied finger wagging at me in a chiding way. Hilarious tags, by the way.

I agree. It feels epic in its stark minimalism. To make it longer would have been to make it too long.