Just imagine that everything I say is whispered into your ear while you are making sweet gay love to a videogame character. Then your mom calls to ask how your classes are going and you pleasantly chat while Marcus Fenix lays on his belly sticking his cute little rump in the air. Eventually he gets annoyed and leaves, but you don’t care cause Gears of War sucked anyway. Actually, that’s a lie, it probably wasn’t that bad but you never played the thing.

You briefly conceder working on that paper about criminal rights in east Asia but instead post crap on the internet which makes you feel smarter than writing a horrible paragraph about forced confessions ever would. Eventually 5 o’clock in the morning comes around and you drink a few cups of coffee and actually start to work on that paper. When you turn it in three hours later it’s surprisingly adequate.

When you get a B- on the paper a month later you are happy enough to get the confidence to call Marcus again. It’s really awkward but you two set a date.