Shop of the Uglies

I shuddered as the ugly man grinned toothily at me. “I’m Kelly. How many olives do you want?” he asked.

“About fifty should do. I’m starving.” Starving enough that even you haven’t put me off food, I thought.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re all starving. Times are hard. That’ll be four emeralds please.”

I muttered - something about him being an ugly thieving forest dweller and his mother being a harlequin that I forget now. I handed him the barter, paying in limes, and receiving a few pines for change. He claimed to be allergic to asparagus, and fern to. I’m sure he was just being awkward.

As I head back toward the bridge, he shouted “Wait a minute! What did you just call me?”. I turned, hardly able to look at his features, only to see him lift a jade axe that had been wrapped in moss.

“Uhh… Myrtle? No wait, I called you the son of a Celadon whore. Yeah, I think that was it.”

“Alright, that does it. Get the hell out of here. And tell your friends this is the last time I trade with trolls.”

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