that was odd.. like a dream, or nightmare.. one that left you feeling alone at the end.. the middle was jumbled in the emotion department, and kinda gross exploding out of your side. :) This is just very different. I’m not sure I’m wrapping my head around it..

I don’t quite understand it either… I think I misinterpreted the challenge.

This was kind of fun to write, though, so bullocks to it all.

Great opening — can’t get much more in your face than a train coming right at you. Loved that! What I enjoy about your writing is that you can be very descriptive without being too wordy. Sometimes you do something we in film call “jump-cuts”. You need to work on transitions. Look at each paragraph and use smoother transitions. There are lots of approaches you can implement. One of my favorites, for example, is using weather for transitions. There’s a lot of awesomeness here. Just keeping it real.

Nice details.