Just a foolish thing I wrote. It’s my first ficly, so I thought something like this would be appropriate. Let me know what you think, and spare no critique! Or compliment. ;)

Welcome, don’t expect an honest critique from anyone, people are pretty sensitive around these parts, mostly it’s made up of people who don’t really want your feedback unless it’s like “I really liked the way you said blah blah blah”.

Murder your darlings King says, and I repeat that mantra.

Twyst is a drama a quenn, or as you may say a tourist of these parts.
First in response twist “this sucks” is not a critique
second a critique should show you how to improve otherwise you are a muckracker.
Third postive renforcement does helps
because it gives writers the motivation to write.
when aren’t good at something the only thing that makes you better is more of the thing you are bad at.
Twyst please dont make an enemy out of us we are a very close nit community , and you are a tourist. Everyone hates tourist.
P.S. osoe welcome to ficly nice pic.

Oh yeah and muckracker is a term from upton sinclair.

Sigh, see what I mean.

fyi – it’s knit, not nit.

well see now that is some constructive criticism. Why are you so bitter Twyst? You might want to talk to THX you know he is shrink.
No offense Dr.Tim just a little humor at your expense.lol

Welcome Osoe. Lots of nuts from trees in our neck of the woods. Once you get to the clearing turn right and keep your pen in your hand and write till your heart is content. 4 pencils as we try not to destroy trees around here.

lol.
If you want me to review, twyst, than I shall review:
It was funny, don’t get me wrong, but some of the dialog just didn’t flow right.
It felt…. forced?
And “Why don’t you douse yourself with a bit of guilt?” sounds weird, but I have no suggestions as I am a poor writer.
Which brings me to my next point, Twyst, we all comment on peoples stories saying “good job” and what have you because most of use deep down inside are very self conscious about what we write, and having someone tell you it’s very good is just a boost of confidence, and it makes us want to write more.
And that’s what this site is about.
It’s not rating other peoples stories that’s important, it’s the fact that you’re writing.
You’re writing instead of doing drugs or alcohol. And I know that probably none of us on the site are druggies, but it’s the thought that counts.
And there is one monster of thought put behind this site.

Welcome to ficly. Have to admit, I don’t think I’ve seen this much discussion on a story in a while. The story itself is a cute little thing, almost stream-of-consciousness. Welcome to ficly! I do hope you can find the opportunity here on the site to grow as a writer.

critique: You must have been looking at the site if you told your conscious you thought 1024 characters was about right!
I happen to like the whole guilt/abuse of powers line. I can imagine the conscious trying to pour on the guilt, but is stopped by the words.
I expected something deeper, more insightful, or more storytelling than a stream of consciousness piece, but if that’s what happened, then that’s what happened!

I read this ficlet as a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun, and enjoyed it immensely as such. I didn’t find the dialogue forced, actually – the ‘douse yourself with a bit of guilt’ line was hilarious. Guilty conscience and all that.

Welcome to Ficly. :)

Actually, I try to include one or (preferably) more thing that could be improved with every comment I leave. Sometimes it’s just harder to word it the right way, or it might just be a typo.

So anyway, in the same vein but about the story itself, I liked it alright, but some of it did seem a little forced. It wasn’t in the dialogue, actually, more like the words in between. They were a little verbose—and I understand this is probably on purpose, but it doesn’t really do anything for me.

(Also, no fairness be upon you for having your first story Active.) =)

Osoe,

Wilkommen, bien vienue, welcome to ficly.

Twyst, welcome to you too. I haven’t read any of your work yet, but I promise to.

Now if I tug at my sweater, it that knit picking?

Oh and Muffy, just to let you know that I currently have a 350 dollar a month drug habit, but I don’t get high. That is considerably reduced from the 850 dollar a month habit I used to have. I used to have to take 10 bottles of insulin a month at 85 bucks a pop and no insurance. Now I have no insurance and do about 3@100 a month plus syringes, supplies, etc. so I guess that makes me a druggie. But like the t-shirt I saw once, and hope to buy one day, says, “my syringes aren’t recreational.”

Welcome all newbies and semi newbies, and newish old farts like myself

Osoe,

Wilkommen, bien vienue, welcome to ficly.

Twyst, welcome to you too. I haven’t read any of your work yet, but I promise to.

Now if I tug at my sweater, it that knit picking?

Oh and Muffy, just to let you know that I currently have a 350 dollar a month drug habit, but I don’t get high. That is considerably reduced from the 850 dollar a month habit I used to have. I used to have to take 10 bottles of insulin a month at 85 bucks a pop and no insurance. Now I have no insurance and do about 3@100 a month plus syringes, supplies, etc. so I guess that makes me a druggie. But like the t-shirt I saw once, and hope to buy one day, says, “my syringes aren’t recreational.”

Welcome all newbies and semi newbies, and newish old farts like myself

Haha, my my, how productive we are just here alone! Welcome to Ficly. I’m still trying to settle down somewhat myself so feel free to lurk about until you’re comfortable.

I’m somewhat of a spelling nazi so where you’re counting characters, it’s supposed to be “I’m thinking…” This piece was cute, I kind of agree about some of the dialogue being a bit forced. I think mainly the language used, it’s playful at times but the words don’t really match up. Maybe if you expanded on the conversation a bit more, it might flow more smoothly.

hmmmmmmm
Ducky, idk if that counts….

hrmm, this feels like areal ole’ fashion ficly community meeting it does. Which is good, i wish i had this welcome when i first joined. Get writing, you’ll get to know a lot about your strengths and weaknesses and your natural style.

It was pretty good, mad props for making it front page your first time.

no one will tell me what LoA stands for. I took a vacation and came back and now i see it everywhere. So feel free to be intimidated be the unknown with me.

Welcome to Ficly.

Dirt map, look at the bios of those with LoA in their name… it stands for League of Awesomness. I figured that out all by me self. :D

Critizism is good if it is given in a non degrading way…

I didn’t think the dialogue here sounded forced, it reminds me a LOT of conversations I have had with myself during the madness of a little thing called NaNoWriMo… you should look it up. If you can do this because of 1024 characters, you’d do really well with 50,000 words. lol.

and yeah, no fair first story active. Probably be featured too… :)