awesome awesome awesome awesome

what do you think? book jacket?

Books don’t need jackets, they don’t get cold in the winter. But maybe a fancy hat would do?

This is going to be a long comment, so “bear” with me.
I liked the skidding halt in the thought process to go back and explain the fever that took the narrator’s parents, it was a good teaser.
I feel that by using the terms “my father” and “my mother” seemed a bit formal compared to the casual conversation the narrator had with the reader. Papa, Pa, Dad, mom, mommy or other such casual names would have been better. By using the word “my” the reader becomes a bit detached from the material.
Also, I’m not a big fan of bad, overused cliffhangers. For example : “My adventure began.”, “The story continues…”, “Until Next time.” Your last sentence could be totally eliminated, because finding the sword in the chest is a great cliffhanger.

hm good point about the cliffhanger…
also, i was thinking since his parents died, then in the future, he might be a bit disconnected with them.. however, that may not be the case.. something to ponder for sure.

alright krully you win!

I wasn’t trying to win. I just respect your writing to be honest with ya.

and i respect your opinion enough to reevaluate my work with an objective stance instead of a mother cougar protecting her cub..

I love the cliffhanger and the flashback to the fever – both are opportunities for ficly sequels and prequels. Clever!

Another thought – “My Mother”, etc., may be how family members were referred to in the storyteller’s culture/family. Some more formal families here in the UK do that whilst still being loving and cuddly.

P.P.S. To what does “(LoA)” refer in many people’s names here on ficly? I am a relatively new joiner. Apologies for so many comments!

Nat first i love your pic and tthe LoA is the league of awesomeness

I love Little Little and the wooden sword. It’s like bigger than he is , right? It drags behind him and he wears a paper hat? Well maybe:)

sorta, chaka, remind me to send you the picture this is based on, it is awesome!

We don’t want to see no stinkin’ picture, we wants a sequel.

yeah send me a picture!!! I had thoise damn chihuahuas as a screen saver for months!!

The last line is what makes me itch to sequel. Fantasy/Action writers dig finding swords. I think I may sequel, Or are you supposed to make your own teddy bear with a story? I’m not sure.