I see you didn’t take the high road on this joke. Cute but predictable

Do you make a habit of sequeling perfectly good stories with rubbish?

I mean… Jeez, no offence, but the last four things you published on this site are, to be perfectly blunt, a waste of server space.

I can’t even bring myself to read any further into your history to try to find something decent.

Why do you do this?

Why do you write terrible sequels to good stories?

Do you take pleasure in ruining a perfectly good series?

Seriously. Cut this shit out.

Oi sir, us here in Hamptonshire all write like this in accordance with our heritage. If ye be havin’ a problem with our writin’ ways, I suggest you take it up with the esteemed guvnah, Rodney Candycane. ‘Tween me and you though, I’m quite the fan of your work. I’ve always found elvies to be quite fascinatin’. Apologies if our worn, English ways offend ye.

I’m sorry… Here I am, a firm believer in constructive criticism, and I’m doling out angry comments.

How about this: your work is extremely lacking in originality, substance, and any semblance of relation to the stories you are writing sequels to. Maybe you could improve your work by doing the following:

1. Try to stay true to the theme of the previous piece, so that your story flows and actually contributes to the storyline in a constructive way. Instead of taking one aspect and letting that be the only relation between your work and theirs, pay closer attention to the stories you are sequeling and let your work flow from theirs.

2. Try to think of a more original, mature style of humour. While the younger audiences might enjoy your toilet jokes, the rest of us probably find it quite lacking.

3. If you want to sequel someone’s work, try to do them justice and make it a worthy sequel. Otherwise, start a new story.

Also… It’s kinda lame to give yourself 5 stars to try to counteract the negative rating you’ve received from someone else.

Oi sir, givin’ me three, count ‘em, three one fifths ain’t the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. I went on and gave your elvy romp through young sexuality five fifths, I’d appreciate a little common courtesy, eh? Don’t be seeing me talking down to you, eh?

I’m sorry, I’m not going to give you a rating you don’t deserve simply because you gave my work a high rating. That’s not how things work.

And the “elvy romp” isn’t about sexuality. It’s about beauty, in all forms. And it’s an opening for a continued storyline, so that others might be able to make something awesome out of it.

As for you “talking down” to me… I don’t think you’re in a place to do so. I’m not the one submitting destructive sequels.

I personally find it offensive that you consider your “style” to be demonstrative of the “old, English ways.” If I’m not mistaken, the classic authors of the English language (and of England itself) didn’t waste their time with toilet humour and empty prose.

Show me a good story and you might find the 5-pencil-rating you seem to think you deserve.

Well, sir, I suppose it’s time I come clean: I summer in Marth’s Vineyard. You ever been there?

Connecticut? No, but I hear it’s nice.

No, wait, that’s where the hotel chain is located. The real Martha’s Vineyard is in Massachusetts.

Anyway, yeah I hear it’s nice. What’s that got to do with ficly though?

Now he’s just trying to get it uh……
featured.
Nice, I like.
I think it could have ended at, "“One problem, doc: how can I get me wank on in the meantimes?”

and be even funnier

Muffy, glad you like it.

Since the original author likes it, I’ll give ‘er a 3-pencil rating. I’m not too fond of it but if the original author likes it then it’s not so destructive as I’d thought.

Wow, such vitriol, Mess! Inspiration strikes in a lot of ways, and it’s not always terribly noble. I actually think this is kind of funny… perhaps that’s because I have a story about a guy who wanks it into a toaster, so maybe I’m not the best one to judge. Four stars, er, pencils, from me, mate.

Oi, thank ye kindly Aurelia! I’m glad there still be lassies like yourself who appreciate good, old fashioned, quality work!

Now wait.
I don’t like it.
I’m just glad he sequeled.
I, a 16 year old, find this to be immature.
but if he cut it off, it would be better.

three

Well, well, Mr. Maturity he’self appears before Mr. Forty-Seven and not a day older! Little sixteen got somethin’ to say to Mr. Adult Spageti? Meet me noontime in the Hamptonshire cow pasture for a duel via blunderbust. Yer pal Eloquent Mess, the Lover of Aardvarks’ll be there s’well…

Mister Adult Spageti should realize by now that age is simply a number, and sadly his number seems to show nothing for his maturity level. Rated back down to 1 since the author doesn’t actually like it after all.

Sounds like your fancies go with the wind, eh Eloquent? You can’t seem to decide whether or not to buy the jam or the jelly, the lobster or the crab, the smooth or the crunchy? Lemme give you a little hint then: it’s the latter. In every single case. Also, I’ve been thinking about ye’ name, “Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}.” Let’s start with the bit in English, shall we? “Eloquent.” You start off calling ye’self eloquent. A little masturbatory, don’t you think? I suppose that’s why you’re stuck sploogin’ all over ya’s keyboard! Har har! I kid, I kid! Only such a thing would I say to a close and dear friend! “Mess.” I like that bit. Now you got the curlies and the parens and then the three letters: “LoA.” As a C programmer of old, I appreciate the use of curlies and parens. Your attempt wouldn’t compile, but I commend ye’ all the same. “LoA” though. Some kind of gang related thing you got goin’ there? Or is it just my arse? Har har har!

http://ficly.com/pages/community

http://ficly.com/pages/community

I know, I think Eloquent should review this bit: “Respect the Art, Even if You Don’t Like It We’re all here to become better writers. We’re all at different places in our journey. I didn’t think we’d have to spell this out, but remember that there’s a real human being with feelings that may be different from your own. Think about that before posting a comment, especially a critical one. You can be honest without being brutal. You can be critical without being emotionless.” I just sincerely request his respect of me work.

I just don’t get it.
This story has no purpose, it’s a Twinkies without the creme.

Featured.?
XD

This reminds me of the National Artists controversy here in the Philippines.
(The featured part, not the wanking part)

Hey, you’re not Olde Englishe at all! Every old English fox hunter would know that it’s a blunderbuss, not a blunderbust! And no, buy the lobster, if it came from Maine. I don’t care if it’s Alaskan King crab it’s being weighed against. I call shennannigans on you. Everybody get your brooms!

why was this story featured, if i may ask?

sorry to be brutal, but i just don’t think this serves its purpose as a sequel to StudMuffin’s story. i don’t even think it deserves a pencil out of five.

Stories get featured if tons of people write comments on it, view it and rate it. Of course, this means that a flurry of negative responses push a story up the list as much as a flurry of positive ones…

Oi, DoltForScience, the blunderbust be my own creation. I took me granpappy’s old blunderbuss from the war of 1812 and went on a conversion spree. Tweakin’ this, tinkerin’ with that, twist this knobbie here… That kind of bit. When I was finished, I dubbed the ol’ chap my blunderbust.

Um, pretty much the best sequel ever. The joke appears to have blown over most of your heads.

1. It’s meant to be poorly written
2. It’s meant to be childish
3. It’s meant to be an inconsistent sequel
4. ????
5. Profit.

Full of win.

Bravo to Twyst to finally getting it right! :D

Why do you do this?

Why do you write amazing sequels to terrible stories?

Do you take pleasure in improving a perfectly bad series?

Seriously. Keep this shit up.

I took a step back and offered my constructive criticism. Now that it’s out of the way I’ll say that I’ll respect the artist AND the art, where they both are apparent. But this is neither artistic nor respectful of the art that others have made! If you want respect for the so-called “art” you toss out (senseless drivel in a mockney accent? Batman & robin slash fic?) please show respect to the artists you sequel by actually READING THE STORY and attempting to follow the thread and style. Add something, don’t ruin it! Your 2 sequels to the Eye of the Beholder story are both inane and offensive! Do not call yourself an artist when your “art” is the disrespectful destruction of the art of others.

:,-(

It’s funny, don’t get me wrong.
I really like it, but……
if it ended at, "One problem, doc: how can I get me wank on in the meantimes?”
It would be even funnier.
Quick question, Spageti, are you truly british?!

RATING CHANGED

Please excuse my temper. Have your fun, do your thing. I’ll do likewise.

Turns out everything is art whether you classify it as such or not. The fact that you’re offended creates the response Spageti is looking for probably and at the same time my response, which is laughter at your response.

Granted, this is trash, but I think it’s important not to take things so seriously, and this piece seems to get that. Spageti is out to slap the pretentious pious BS writing here, and I respect trash like that.

how, in any way, does this relate to the previous story?

I lawled, quite enjoyed the way it was written, and am still laughing.

Twyst: I took a step back earlier and considered the same thing you did.

That’s why, earlier, I commented with “Please excuse my temper. Have your fun, do your thing. I’ll do likewise.”

While blurting offensive and childish garbage seems quite amateur and annoying, The Author might find it entertaining. And, quite possibly, it may be the only amount of talent The Author is capable of mustering, in which case, I would be out of line to insult something they worked so very hard on. That’s like insulting a two year old because they can’t stay in the lines on their Mickey Mouse colouring book. Maybe, instead of telling them how badly they’re doing, we should take away the colouring book and give them the sketch pad and allow them to define their own lines, develop their own voice?

So yeah. Like I said, I’m done being angry. I’ll let the administrators do the judgement stuff and get back to writing.

quite eloquent, Mess

Wow….this is interesting… rubs his chin, with a confused looked on his face* I’m speechless… hmmm

Please tell me why I wasted my time reading this. I lived in Hants for a good number of years and it didn’t make me a wanker. I don’t buy that excuse.

i like this. it’s funny, witty, and clever. i particularly like the type of dialogue. :)