really this is the worst piece of writing i have ever read. It is just inflamatory. You are like a semi retarded Howard Stern. But Howard stern even has some talent. When you read your own work, do you go man this is good? It is really bad, perhaps if you actually wrote instead of just trying to shock you maybe could write. I dont know, you are hidimg behind these crude tasteless antics, and it is just insensitive.

this is how you wanted the scene in Moses to go? the egyptians probably really did beat some of them to death… you happy now?

HI Spageti,
I’ve read a lot of your previous work here on ficly, I know your command of the English language is better than you have shown here. So the choice of language is deliberate on your part. I am trying to understand what meaning or message you are trying to convey to the reader. Perhaps if we deconstruct the paragraphs, the cause for my confusion might become clearer and you could enlighten me.
“Build my fucking pyramid, Jew!” the man spat, and he brought his whip down on my spine.
A clear sentence, well structured. However the phrase “my pyramid” implies ownership. Is the speaker Pharaoh? If so, I would tend to doubt that he personally would have dirtied his hands in whipping a slave.
“Grunt,” I exclaimed, “the life of a slave is harsh, my sisters are all dead. I don’t have eyes-“
That he would grunt when struck, perhaps. That it would be a declarative exclamation, subject to quotation marks, I would think not. It would seem to me more to be an interjection.

The rest of the sentence cannot be part of the exclamation. It is simply too long, for an exclamation. It is actually exposition, in that it brings out the condition of the speaker. Perhaps a better construction would have been;
A grunt escaped me as he struck. “The life of a slave is harsh,” I cried,….
Third paragraph, well constructed.
Fourth paragraph. There is much here that is confusing.
“Ouchers! This ain’t no picnic hear in Egypt, huh? Am I right? (looking around for approval) Am I right?” I look around blindly for some support…
In what time frame is this occurring? If immediately after the third paragraph then presumably the person doing the beating is still immediately present. If so then the fact that this dialog did not result in a further beating is miraculous. If time has passed and the speaker is talking to his fellows, has not been adequately indicated.

The exclamation “ouchers” is both childish and unbelieveable.

The anachronistic phrase, “this aint no picnic” would seem to be at best, out of place. An error in homonyms, here instead of hear would be correct. As for looking for approval, a man with out eyes cannot look around. If by looking for approval you mean he seeks it, then the adverb around should be dropped. If you mean he is physically scanning for approval, even a sighted man could not find that, let alone a man without eyes.
I will skip over the next two paragraphs.
Your final paragraph is very confusing and poorly structured,
Then my comrades we disarmed, no on came to my aid. They beat me for so long.
Were your comrades disarmed or did they disarm someone else? Who did the disarming and who was disarmed? Did the slaves have weapons?
The second part of the first sentence contains a misspelling, It should have read, no one came to my aid.
And in your final sentence, they beat me for so long. Who beat you? Your friends? The slave master?

The use of a pronoun implies that the subject of the pronoun is the previous described noun. In this case, “my comrades”.
Spageti, you have talent. Talent that you could use constructively. I know you could have done better. Instead you seem to prefer to mock others. I find that to be profoundly sad. It is a disappointment to me that you seek to bring down those that have done you no harm. In many ways you seem to be acting like a seven year old boy who has just discovered that certain “naughty words” can elicit strong reactions from adults.
I know that you probably think of us as a bunch of pretentious idiots with delusions of grandeur that we could consider ourselves to be writers. I know that even your photograph is an attempt to mock, in that you look down your nose at us and hold a pipe in your mouth in a not so hidden reference to illusionary sophistication.
Are you familiar with the term sophomore? It comes from Sophia, meaning wisdom and moron, meaning fool.

A sophomore has just enough learning to be a wise fool.

It grows late tonight and I am tired. I do not feel like dealing with your sophomoric behavior any longer this evening. Perhaps I should just be grateful you left out references to batman and masturbation this time.

Yes that just happened you just got effortlessly insulted, by a normally altruistic but obviously irritated octogenarian. And the award for most eloquent insult goes too……….wait for it……..The Duck Of Death. the crowd goes wild

Seriously, Spageti pisses me off, which is his obvious goal (shame that such horrific offensive “stories” offend me, huh? Really aiming for a tough target there). He has all the intellect and social skills of a /b/ troll. I’m honestly surprised that Kevin, Jason, or Joe haven’t banned him yet. Perhaps they are working on a method.

I would like to point out that I did not intentionally insult spageti. I disagree with the writing style of this story, and I pointed out behavior that I found annoying. It is not my intention to critisize the person.

It is one thing to tell a child “you are stupid”. It is quite another to say “You are a smart person behaving in a stupid manner. And I don’t understand why you would want to do that.” The former critisizes the person, the latter the actions of the person.

To some that may be a distinction without a difference, but to me it makes a world of difference.

Spageti is a person created and loved by god. I try, though I dont always succeed, in not insulting the things god loves. Behaviors of those things however is a different kettle of fish.

So spageti, if you feel I insulted you personally, I appologize. My excuse was I was tired as it was about 5am.

Now can we please all act like adults?

I feel no bad mojo from anyone here, nor take offense to anything that has been (or will be) said. All I have is an image: a small child, with crayons and a BIG piece of paper, probably big enough for 1024 crayon strokes or so. And that kid is drawing! Drawing, drawing, drawing… And when he’s done with all that passionate drawing what do we see? A penis. A big, fat, veiny, erect penis. And the little kid is laughing his ass off. He could have drawn anything with those crayons, anything. But he didn’t. He drew a dick. Was his aim to draw something beautiful and revolutionary? Probably not. Just a waste of crayons. Pretty big letdown. But…in that vein of utter disappointment the viewer experiences lies the art. It’s not about the cock and balls on the page: it’s about the feeling that something more could have been done with those crayon strokes.

…Or with the cock and balls.