and you said i had a twisted mind.

Ooookay. Did he not actually die, then? Is this someone else? Is this some kind of prequel disguised as a sequel? I don’t know what’s going on here! :P

I’m implying the wrong guy died. I tried not to drag this one scene across 2 ficlys so I probably cut some key sentences out when I edited it to make it smaller.

@’spacetowrite… I love twisted minds, it was meant has a compliment.

This is pretty well-written. Unfortunately the only way I knew that they got the wrong guy was that you commented about it in this ficlet and the one before it.

I offer the following advice: When you write a story that relies on certain information, keep in mind that you already know that information, but the readers don’t. Many times we’ll write what we know, but forget that we know things that our readers haven’t discovered yet, and we’ll forget to include an explanation to help our readers understand.

Sorry if that paragraph was disjointed, I’m commenting while watching a movie.

yeah you would bring him back, to up the ante.. but i read your comment as well.. he could also be a copycat however..

I agree EM, and I kind of expect the confusion. I had a whole paragraph of dialog that I cut. The problem I had was that I sat looking at the screen trying to figure out how to break it up into 2 parts for almost 20 minutes. Each time I tried to fix it, it just became a bigger confusing mess.
In my minds eye, this could little series could be an SVU episode where you don’t see the guys face, only his “rough coarse hand” and his belt until the end where he is smiling at the old lady’s reflection in the window.
This is a good example of a sequel I should have slept on and edited the next day.

Well, like always i came in at the end and read this first. I haven’t read the others yet, so I had no confusion as to who the dude was. I DID get chills and got all scared for the old lady AND the lacrosse team. Why is being good with locks creepy? I don’t know, but you won’t catch me hanging out with any locksmiths anytime soon:)

man like half of my stories i probably should hjave slept on and re-edited but what fun is that

chaka, the funny part is your story started this series.

Ominous, scary and dark. The mention of the lacrosse team is particularly disturbing.
Minor editing: You lapsed into past tense with the lady’s actions then present for his actions. Oh, and course=coarse, cause spellcheck won’t catch that.

I am so influential when i’m not paying attention:) I’m a bad LoA memeber i have not been reading much lately:(

AH HA!!! He ain’t dead! I knew it was too good to be true…creepy don’t kill easily…

It does read like he’s not dead, but you know that works great for me. You could leave it till later to reveal that its not that he’s immortal/supernatural/unkillable it’s that they got the wrong guy or that he had an accomplice. The ambiguity in this part would lead to greater drama at the reveal of the twist… There’s a Dean koontz novel where almost halfway through you realize that the killer wasn’t supernatural, he was a twin etc. etc.

to me it felt like a flashback or prequel to the series.