I’ve decided what I liked about the first two… They had a kind of simplicity to them that was interesting and intriguing – I just felt that this one took it a little fast, and, well, as soon as I saw ‘Lorduns’ it just felt a bit much.

I’ll be interested to see where this takes the series, as it certainly advanced the plot, but perhaps a subtler progression would have been nicer… MH

Hmm. You may be right. Perhaps I should rewrite it and push the big Marauders reveal off for later.

I was just a bit surprised. I knew this was your usual genre, but I didn’t realize it was within the same reality/universe/whatever as at least some of your other stories. I’ll wait to sequel until you have more a chance to rewrite should you choose to do so. That, and I’ve far exceeded my self-imposed limits on writing today. Naughty, naughty me.

The characterisation and dialogue here is so much stronger since the edit – I award you an extra pencil for a thorough and effective re-write :)

I didn’t see this before the re-write, but it sounds like it helped. Have some pencils. And kudos to MH for offering help to a fellow Ficlyteer!

reading on